My Forbidden Guy (My Guy series, Book 3) Page 2

  Her question suffocates me. If I say it, then it makes it too real. I don’t want it to be.

  Her door swings open, and Elsie flies in like a woman on a mission, dropping her bag by the door then kicking it shut. The slam is enough for me to jump.

  “Oh my goodness, I’m so glad I found you both. Are you alright, Pais?” She rushes to my side. Her breaths heavy like she ran the whole way here.

  I cock an eyebrow. “Were you looking for me?”

  “Yes. I was just at the boys’ house when Dane came barreling through the door. He looked like he wanted to pick a fight with Aiden.”

  Addison sucks in a sharp breath behind me.

  My hand flies to my mouth. “Did he tell you what he was angry about?”

  She nods, a solemn expression on her face. “I’m so sorry, Pais. You watch; he’ll come to his senses. He just needs to wake up to himself and tell Parker, then all will be good.”

  Addison stands. “Wait, what? Did something happen between you and Dane?”

  The stone is lodged back in my throat, and tears fill my eyes. “He said it was for the best. I mean, can you believe that? Am I not good enough anymore? I would have spoken to Parker. Sure, he might have been angry at the start, but I’m sure he would have gotten over it.” The words spew from my mouth.

  Addison parks her bum on the coffee table and takes my hands in hers. “Girl, it’s his loss. He’s the one not seeing what’s right in front of him.”

  “What’s the point? It’s all over, and now I have to move on. I don’t want to be a stage-five clinger. That’s not who I am. Today, I’m going to drown my sorrows in all the sugary goodness, and then tomorrow I’ll start again.” I try to sound strong, but inside, I’m a crumbling mess. It’s going to take some time to let go of this numbness that’s seeped into my body.

  “Don’t worry. We’re here for you,” Elsie reassures me, rubbing my back.

  “Yes. We can hate on Dane together,” Addison says. The girls laugh. I can only manage a half-smile. They mean well. Today is simply not my day for jokes.

  “I still can’t believe he didn’t even try to fix it. That’s what makes me the angriest. It’s as though he simply wanted it over and done with—to wipe his hands of me.”

  “No, I’m sure that’s not the case,” Elsie says.

  A look passes between them. They’re not so sure themselves.

  I wish today had never happened. Can I rewind to this morning and change the entire situation?

  “Are you going to come to the basketball court?” Addison asks as she stands from the brown, worn leather couch. It’s obviously seen better days. It reminds me of something from the 80s.

  Shaking my head, I say, “It’s probably for the best that I stay away. It’s still a little raw, and seeing him will hurt even more.”

  Elsie and Addison nod.

  “You’re welcome to stay here and eat all this.” Addison gestures to all the open treats on the table. Peanut butter—I would usually eat it by the spoonful—chocolate kisses, and something called Nutella. Aiden had given it to Elsie to try, and she’d brought it back for the sugary shelf.

  “It’s okay. I think I’m just going to go home and try to sleep away this dreadful day.” I bury my head in my hands. “How am I supposed to act around him now? Just like before, only with a little more distance and no touchy-feely?”

  Elsie snorts.

  “What? I’m serious. I don’t know how I’m supposed to hang around you both and the guys and not feel hurt when he starts dating other girls.”

  “Perhaps, when you feel up to it, you could give online dating a go,” Elsie suggests.

  “Elsie,” Addison hisses, her eyes wide as she takes a small swipe at Elsie’s arm.

  “It’s okay. Good thought, though I’m not sure my mother would approve of something so unsafe.” She would lose her mind if she found out I’d done that.

  My phone beeps with a message. I reach for my bag on the floor where I’d dropped it when I was dragged here a couple of hours ago. A message from Dane stares back at me.

  Dane: Hey, I just wanted to check and see how you are?

  Is he kidding?

  “It’s a message from Dane,” Addison states as she turns back and ties her sneakers.

  “How could you tell?”

  “Your face went from soft to all scrunched up. I only need one guess who could cause that reaction.” Addison shrugs.

  “You’re good,” I say. “He’s asking how I am.”

  “Don’t answer him,” Elsie shouts as she exits the living area and heads to her bedroom. “You need to make him crawl and beg,” she yells.

  I stare at the screen, not sure what to do.

  The girls now have their shoes on and their bags slung over their backs.

  “Crawl and beg. Do you think?” I ask, glancing at Elsie.

  She takes her hair and gathers it together, tying it with a hair tie. Her hands then land on her hips. “Well, it will tell you if he’s really ready to let what you both had go. Or he’ll come to his senses and do what needs to be done.” Elsie shrugs.

  I lock my phone and shove it back in my bag. “You’re right. He can suffer with the guilt for a while. I don’t need him.” I stand, somehow finding my strength even with a fragile heart.

  “You go, girl,” Elsie cheers. Addison whoops loudly.

  “You pair are crazy. Thanks for the afternoon. I think I’m going to go home, and I’ll try to figure out my next move.” I collect my bag and bid my farewells.

  When I step out of their building, darkness is starting to fill the sky. It feels like it’s taking over me too. Loss tugs at my chest. I hate this empty feeling.

  I officially have no sneaking around to do tonight. No plans with anyone. Mom is working, so I’m pretty safe if I go home. I won’t get the twenty questions.

  I pull into our driveway. We aren’t a rich family—my mother has worked too hard to give Parker and me everything we’ve ever needed. She’s shown us what hard work can get you. She’s now a doctor at the hospital. I admire her for all she has achieved.

  My father is never a topic of conversation inside the walls of this house. All I know is that he left when I was young. I’d never given him much thought until these past twelve months. What kind of person he is and if he has another family. Could I possibly have more brothers or sisters? I’ve never been one to shy away from asking Mom something, but doing this would be a betrayal to her after all she’s done for us.

  After scrounging around for something that interests me for dinner, I finally sit down. Turning on the television, I see an episode of Blue Bloods has just started. Perfect. I love this show. Give me a Jamie over a Dani any day. Jamie is soft, caring, and shows compassion—very similar to Dane. Dani, on the other hand, is a hardhead and often hates being told what to do. I’m not sure I could handle someone with his personality.

  My phone dings. Perhaps I’ll leave it for tomorrow. I don’t want to see another message from Dane tonight.

  I need to know who it is, though.

  Addison: Dane was moody tonight. Would it make you happy to know he seems miserable? It was like he was looking for you when we arrived.

  Paislee: Good. It serves him right.

  Addison: Thought that might make you feel better.

  Paislee: I can’t say it makes me feel better. I’m sad and lonely now.

  Lonely Paislee. Story of my life.

  My phone sounds off again.

  Addison: Naw… don’t think like that. How you’re feeling will pass. When the time is right, you’ll get back out there and start dating again.

  I sure as hell am not going to be dating again any time soon.

  Paislee: Perhaps I’ll become a nun. Lol.

  Addison: Now that’s something I’d pay to see.

  For the rest of the night, I’m left to my own thoughts.

  No more messages. Just silence.

  My eyes snap open. The TV is still going. I must have dozed off.
>
  Was today a dream? Or did Dane actually end things?

  I lift my arm to look at my watch and groan. Three in the morning. Damn, a pinch in my neck is giving me hell. After clicking off the television, I put my plate from my makeshift dinner in the sink and drag my blurry-eyed self to my room.

  I’ve pinched myself a hundred times, hoping that I’m dreaming, but disappointment soon follows. Lying on my bed, I’m thankful Mom is doing the late shift. I don’t want to go into details with her about my morose state.

  Any other night I would have gone to the guys’ house simply to hang out and also try to spend some time with Dane. Now, I don’t think I’ll be going near their place, or the boys, for a while. I don’t want to risk running into Dane.

  I twist my body toward my nightstand, grabbing my phone and rereading Dane’s message from earlier—the nerve of him. How could he think for a second that I’d be okay? I’m so far from it that I don’t ever want to go back to school and run the risk of bumping into him. He has ripped my heart out and mashed it up, all the while oblivious to the fact that I was falling in love with him.

  I reread his message. My thumbs glide over the keyboard of the phone.

  Paislee: No, I’m not okay. Leave me alone. You chose this.

  I hover over the send button. What would hurt him more? To reply or not to reply—that’s the question. I read the above messages, and my heart fractures a little more.

  Dane: I miss your beautiful smile. Come see me tonight.

  That was the message he’d sent me last night before I’d raced out of here, lying to Mom about where I was going. I’d sneaked in Dane’s window, as I’d done plenty of times before.

  I huff out a long breath then scroll back to his last message, sent hours ago. My reply still sits, waiting. My thumb hits send and that’s that.

  It’s time to move forward.

  My eyes spring open to my alarm rattling my tired and emotional brain. Rolling over, I search blindly for the spot on my phone to shut it off. I manage to lift my eyelid just enough until I see the little button on the screen. I press it then collapse back onto the pillow.

  It’s been an entire week of nothing. No more texts. No more visits to Parker’s house. No more Dane. I miss him so much. I’ve been dragging myself out of bed at dawn to go for a run. It clears my mind and reminds me that I don’t need him—that I can survive this stage of my life. Heartbreak is a natural thing for everyone to experience. Although, hopefully only once in a lifetime.

  Who am I kidding? Some people keep getting slapped stupid with heartbreak.

  I pull on my short black running tights and a pink workout singlet before slipping my phone into the little pocket on my pants. Pockets are the best. Whoever invented them deserves a medal. I slip into my runners and then attach my headphones and make my way downstairs to grab a bottle of water.

  I’m in such a rush to leave that I don’t notice the dim light coming from the kitchen at first. I’ve been avoiding Mom for the last week because I haven’t wanted to go into detail with her about Dane. Mothers…

  “You’ve been avoiding me.”

  My head flicks up, and I jump. I clutch at my chest. She’s like a ninja, this one.

  “Geez, Mom, you scared the hell out of me.” I think I still might have a heart attack with how fast it’s racing.

  She smiles while taking a small sip from her steaming cup of herbal tea. Mom is all about healthy living, which I totally get with her being a doctor and all. But that smell could clear a house of teenagers in a matter of seconds. “I notice when my kids avoid me, and that’s you right now.”

  I sigh. Moving to the bench, I grab the bottle of water she pushes my way. “I’m just not ready to discuss things yet. By the way, that smells really bad.”

  Mom smiles, nodding, followed by another sip. She keeps her eyes on me. “It’s good for you. And I understand if you don’t want to talk to me yet.”

  One short sentence and I’m ready to spill everything. She has a way like that. It’s the stare. It has to be. It’s not a mean, tell-me-what-you-know stare. It’s an if-I-hold-your-gaze-long-enough-you’ll-tell-me look. It says, I’m your mother; you can’t keep secrets from me.

  “If I tell you, you can’t tell Parker.” I wave my finger in a disciplinary way, swearing her to secrecy.

  “You know I’m a vault.” She runs her index finger over her chest in the form of an X.

  I scoff. “Mom, you’re a terrible secret keeper.”

  “So, don’t tell me.” She shrugs.

  “Yeah, and then I’ll have you continually asking.”

  “Okay, so what’s said right now doesn’t leave this house.” She holds out her pinky.

  I smile. “Really, Mom? You’re going for a five-year-old’s promise?”

  “Hey, it worked when you were younger.” She waggles her pinky.

  Rolling my eyes, I hook mine with hers. “Okay, so I’ve been seeing Dane secretly.”

  Her eyebrows raise, and she pauses mid-sip. Slowly, she places the mug down. “You and Dane, huh?”

  I nod. “It’s not a relationship, per se. It’s been going on since Addison and Parker started hanging out. I stayed over one night at the house, and the next morning, I was nearly busted. I ducked behind the counter. I thought we were caught, but since we weren’t, we kept it a secret.”

  “Why keep it a secret? I’m sure Parker would be happy for you both. Dane is a nice young man.”

  He is a nice young man. Or that was what I’d thought. “Anyway, about a week ago, he literally pushed me out of bed as Parker walked in the door. It wasn’t like we were naked or anything. So, I told him, in not so many words, that I was tired of being his dirty little secret and that he needed to make a choice.” My voice cracks.

  “And he chose to end it—whatever it was you two had going on,” Mom finishes.

  I nod and attempt to swallow the lump that’s formed in my throat. I drop hopelessly onto the stool beside me. Mom comes and stands next to me. She puts her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her.

  I don’t want to cry. I was sure my tears were all dried up. I can feel them there, teetering, wanting to fall.

  “Honey, I’m sorry,” she says. Her softness warms my heart.

  I shake my head. “It’s okay. I just need to move on.

  Mom hugs me tighter, and I look up at her.

  “Enjoy your life and be happy. Don’t spend your days wallowing and hoping the feelings you have will go away. Perhaps you have some unspoken words you need to tell Dane, and that might make the breakup more official and give you a sense of peace. Did you get to share your feelings about anything the last time you were together?”

  “No. I guess I was still in shock. He sent me a message, and I told him to leave me alone. He decided to end things. Screw him.” Bitterness drips from my words.

  “I still think you need to tell him how you’re feeling. What was his message?”

  I sigh. “Just asking me how I am, and so I let him know I’m okay. What? Does he think I’m simply going to forgive him and play buddy-buddy friends with him? I don’t think so.” I wriggle out of Mom’s grip and stand. “Sorry, Mom. I need to clear my head.”

  “That’s okay, honey. I’m here if you need me.”

  “I know. Thank you.”

  Mom extends her arms, and I step into them again. She secures me against her. Her familiarity soothes my fractured heart but doesn’t heal it. “Everything will work out how it’s supposed to.” Her words linger on my mind long after I leave the house. And that’s exactly the problem. Maybe Dane and I aren’t meant to be.

  I love the silence of the library and the smell of paperback books. There are only myself and another five students scattered around the tables. Sitting here working on one of my assignments from English, I can’t get what Mom said this morning out of my head. It really hit me. ‘Enjoy your life and be happy. Don’t spend your days wallowing and hoping the feelings you have will go away.’ How am I supposed
to enjoy myself?

  Leaning over, I grab my notebook and pen from my bag. I need to make a list—one to remind me why I don’t need Dane.

  For starters, he’s a chicken because he wouldn’t even talk to my brother. Secondly, he ended things without giving me a chance to fix it myself or even allowing me to talk to Parker. And third, he pushed me out of bed like I was nothing. I would have dropped down there myself, but the way that I was simply shoved aside because of his fear really angered me.

  “Hey, Paislee.”

  I lift my head from the notebook. It’s Jase, captain of the college football team. His usually tidy blond hair is all shaggy, and his blue eyes stare right at me.

  “Hey, what are you up to?” We’ve never spoken before. Addison introduced us a while ago. I have been so focused on Dane that I’ve never really taken him in. Now, here he stands in front of me. He’s wearing cream cargo pants with a fitted white polo shirt, his arms bulging at the sleeves. I sit here and actually focus on him. With no Dane distracting me… he’s hot. Damn.

  Is it too soon for me to be looking at another guy?

  Jase gestures to a seat across from me. “Do you mind if I sit?”

  I scramble to pull in my textbooks which I’d scattered over the table. I hadn’t wanted anyone to sit with me. But how can I say no to him? “Yeah, sure. Sorry about the mess.”

  He chuckles. “It’s all good. How have you been? I’ve seen you around but have never could get up the nerve to come talk to you. You were always with your brother, Addison, her friends, and his.”

  He is right. At first, I was only with them because of Dane, but the girls welcomed me with open arms. There’s no more hanging with the boys, though. That’s all over.

  “Yes, I’ve hung with them since I was new here. Now it’s just easy.” I shrug. Technically, it’s not a lie.

  “I hope you don’t mind me coming to sit with you.” He slides into the seat across from me. I stare right into his glittering blue eyes. I should have taken notice of him much sooner—it probably would have saved me all this current heartbreak.